Choices

Through all the things that have happened since being first diagnosed with CLL and then learning that my kidneys were failing, I've been fortunate to have made some good choices. I say fortunate, because I've made plenty of bad choices in my life. For some reason, these problems have helped me finally stop the cycle of bad choices. For that, I will always be grateful for these challenges.

The big choice I made after the CLL diagnosis was that I need to drop some weight. Some probably isn't accurate. A lot of weight would probably be more accurate.

A good chunk of my bad choices have centered around food. To this day I still make some bad choices when it comes to food. It's a daily struggle.

A few years before the CLL diagnosis, I tried making better food choices. I joined Jenny Craig, which I will always be thankful for. A co-worker had been going to Jenny Craig, and the transformation his body was going through was nothing short of amazing. I knew this was something I could do too.

My Jenny Craig experience was fantastic. I had a great consultant named Lisa, and she was just what I needed at the time. Let's be honest, Jenny Craig is a business, and like all businesses, the goal is to make money. I'm good with that. Lisa, didn't look at me with dollar signs in her eyes. Hey, it was pretty clear I had an eating problem, and my starting weight of 276 pounds wasn't going to win me any awards for good eating habits.

Instead, I was treated like the person I was. Someone wrestling with their weight and in serious need of some help controlling the portions of food I consumed on a daily basis. Jenny Craig taught me what I needed to learn about portions and along the way, in our weekly conversations, Lisa would quiz me on my eating habits. I learned quite a bit about the things that caused me to dive head first into a bag of potato chips, instead of just eating one serving.

I didn't exercise much while I was on Jenny Craig. That was a mistake, but not one that kept me from dropping the weight I wanted to lose. It took some time, but I eventually got my weight down to a more reasonable 200 pounds. I felt great, and I thought I could take what I learned and live a healthier life.

The Jenny Craig plan has you eating their food for every meal. I bought some fruit and veggies, but the main meals and snacks consisted of Jenny Craig food. As I progressed, Lisa tapered me off the Jenny Craig food. This approach gave me a chance to re-acquaint myself with buying groceries and relying on what I had learned about portion control. At first, I did pretty good, but since I wasn't really exercising too much, I hit a wall and stopped losing.

While it looked like I had my weight loss under control, other parts of my life were not doing so well. I got myself into some financial hot water and had to cut out some expenses. Jenny Craig had to stop, and since I was close to where I wanted to be, I didn't think this would be terrible. After all, even though I wasn't losing weight, I wasn't putting weight on.

Unfortunately, it didn't take too long before my weight started creeping up. The stress happening in the other parts of my life was the excuse I was using, but it was clear that when faced with food choices, I reverted back to some of my old habits. Stress may have triggered some of these choices, but they were still my choices.

Once I got the other areas of my life under control, I knew I needed to take another shot at weight loss. I had put about 25 pounds of my Jenny Craig weight loss back on. I couldn't go back to Jenny Craig. I was embarrassed, and honestly, it wasn't going to be in my budget. I needed something that was less expensive, but would keep me accountable. Once again, fate and timing jumped in and took control.

Some people at work were interested in getting something started with Weight Watchers. I decided to join up, and I was on my way again to losing weight.

I've had people ask me which program is better between these two weight loss systems. Truthfully, both will help a person get it done. I was able to lose weight just fine following each group's philosophies. You have to buy Jenny Craig's food to really get the benefits of what they are doing. There's no question, that can be a big expense. But, with that expense comes the accountability of meeting privately with a consultant every week. I liked the privacy aspect. Lisa held me accountable, but my struggles were kept between us. When I had my victories, she took pictures of my progress and posted them on the wall  along with the other local success stories.

With Weight Watchers, we learned how to manage our food intake through the use of points. I was able to eat "regular" food, and I learned how to convert food without a point value into the Weight Watcher system. By this part of my journey, I wasn't as self-conscious about sharing with a group. These were people I knew, and some had seen the progress I made with Jenny Craig.

So, I lost some more weight, but eventually our group fizzled out and I was back on my own with this whole weight loss thing. I was doing okay this time around. Sure I gained a pound or two sometimes, and then I would lose those pounds, but I wasn't packing on the weight.

When I was diagnosed with CLL, I was doing okay at keeping my weight in check. Not great, mind you, but I was exercising more this time, so it was easier to keep the weight at bay. When Jeannie and I met, I was still doing pretty well, but our early dates involved a lot of eating out. Plus, she is a sensational cook. Those two thing combined to help some extra pounds find their way on to my body.

And, just as it happened with Weight Watchers, work intervened again into my life by inviting a company called Progressive Fitness in to talk with us about our weight loss goals and show us how exercise was the critical component of this whole weight loss thing. I was hooked. I was back up to around 230 pounds, and I didn't want to weigh anymore. I signed up to have them help me.

I'll share that experience in the next post.