With apologies to Tom Petty, there's no question that the waiting can make a person crazy. Although work is busy, there just seems to be enough time to go have this crazy conversation with myself. Is a transplant the right thing to do? Am I trading away a longer life with dialysis for a potentially shorter life with a new kidney?
Sitting here and writing this now, I feel like I know the right answer to this dilemma. There's nothing that says I would experience what the two cases in France experienced. Those two people were older, and I don't know how severe their CLL was when it made its comeback. I'm healthy and getting healthier. That has to be something in my favor, right?
There are no guarantees. There are so many things that could happen that are out of my control which could cut my life short, none of which would have nothing to do with my current health situation. All I can do is keep a handle on the things I can control and make sure I'm giving myself every chance to succeed. That's something I used to tell my high school bowlers. The stakes are higher in this case, but that's still a true statement.
I'm fortunate to have people around me who are willing to lay it all out for me. I tend to maybe dwell on the positives too much, when I should be paying closer attention to the risks. I've always thought of myself as a bit of a coward, so I think all of this must be causing me to evolve.
Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. Tarantolo. I'm looking forward to hearing his take on this. I should also get a call from Holly tomorrow too. It's going to be a big news day.
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